One issue has long plagued the hallways of Western Albemarle High School. As each senior class graduates and moves on to bigger and better things, a new generation of Warriors inherits this polarizing dispute- the controversy of what single water fountain at Western is superior to all the rest. Although those that make up the student body may change, this debate has existed for so long that it has become deeply rooted in Western lore. And yet, there appears to be no resolution in sight. But do not fear, the Western Hemisphere is here.
Perhaps one of the most relevant cultural issues in the Western student body, our team decided that, no matter how many resources it would take, it was our journalistic duty to step in and end this debate once and for all. Our team of judges, blind to which water fountain they were tasting from, tasting, measured each sample in four different realms. Two such dimensions, taste and temperature refer to the water itself, while the other two, accessibility and appearance refer to the water fountain itself. Unsurprisingly, taste refers to the flavor of the water. Is it sweet or metallic or something entirely different? In a similarly obvious way, temperature refers to the “refreshingness” of the water. Is it ice cold or lukewarm? Less clearly, accessibility refers to convenience of visiting each fountain and appearance refers to the cleanliness of the fountain.
Halt! Before you proceed, for legal reasons, the staff of the Western Hemisphere would like to preface that this study was far from scientific, and, in the opinion of some, far from ethical. In fact, the creator of this study, who shall remain nameless, is currently under investigation for unethical experimentation for making the staff writers drink a quantity of water no person should ever have to consume. Furthermore, if you find that your personal favorite water fountain is disrespected by this report, on behalf of Western’s administrative team, we ask that you remain calm and express your frustration in a manner appropriate to a learning environment. Clearly, in the lab of the Western Hemisphere, where disclaimers rain, disclaimers pour.
With all that out of the way, we hope you enjoy! Tune in to our next issue where we will settle another prominent water debate- is water wet?
