Western Faculty

Matt Mandel, Latitudes editor

Last year, as the student body was sent off to enjoy the holiday, we were all graced with Dr. John Werner’s “Werner’s Corner”. Perhaps his most popular segment was where he informed his students of some his favorite holiday hacks such as “How to drive in the snow”. Now, with Dr. Werner gone, the student body is in a panic as the coveted hiatus from school approaches. Have no fear students, we have compiled a list of tips and tricks from the faculty designed for you to get the most out of this holiday season

Mrs. Lohr- “Buy reindeer antlers for your dog.”

What’s better than watching your cute antlered canine walk into the room? Not much.

Mr. Witt- “Don’t eat yellow snow. Don’t go next to last in the Santa gift swapping.”

Mr. Witt could give you a lengthy explanation as to why the probability of receiving a bad gift would skyrocket when going second to last in the holiday party activity.

Mrs. Green- “None I cannot think of it.”

Thank you, Mrs. Green

Mr. Gauss– “If you’re mean to everyone they won’t buy you gifts, so you won’t have to buy them gifts. Cheap.”

Disclaimer: Gauss is actually a really nice guy, and his math skills can help you save some cash.

Ms. Hyman-The essential holiday pick up line: “The best gift is the current moment with you that’s why they call it the present”

When did you use this line, Ms. Hyman?

Mr. Kompelien-“Invest time in family, you’ll get the best return.”

As a former actuary Mr. Kompelien realizes that investing in family will consistently get a solid return, much more than any Black Friday deal for a 32-inch LED

Mr. Harrison– “I refuse to be interviewed. Don’t quote me on that. You’re not allowed to.”

Well, somebody has to be the Grinch! Thanks Mr. Harrison.

Mrs. Miracle- “The best hiding spot for the ‘elf on the shelf is down the toilet.”

According to legend, the elves are sent into every home to be “Santa’s eyes and ears.” On paper, this looks pretty good––potentially motivating children to be well-behaved gift-recipient purely out of fear of being placed on the Naughty List. But, Mrs. Miracle gives us the facts: This doesn’t work.

Mr.  Bledsoe- “Attention guys: Always use the wrapping stations at the mall. Pay the extra money, not the consequences of a poorly wrapped gift.”

We’re assuming Mr. Bledsoe has learned from experience.