In Staunch Defense of the Bagel Bite

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Amalia Garcia-Pretelt, Staff Writer

There is no sight more beautiful than that of a bagel bite coming fresh out of the microwave oven. The bagel bite is the epitome of what after-school snacks should be and why anyone would settle for a lesser finger food is baffling. Bagel Bites come in six gourmet flavors including three cheese, cheese and pepperoni and “extreme nacho” (sold exclusively in Canada). This eclectic mix of high quality tastes is just one of the many aspects of the bagel bite that make it so superior to its rival frozen snack: the pizza roll.

Although the pizza roll does come in more flavors, the tastiness of flavors such as “Combination” or “Buffalo Chicken” is seriously questionable. To anyone who pays even a little attention to the type of food they ingest, the words “Triple Meat”  should really send out a red flag. Although many would argue that the complexity of such flavors adds a surprise element to the snack, it should be noted that among these “surprises” that come from consuming pizza rolls are explosive bowel movements. As one food enthusiast put it, “I’ve only ever eaten pizza rolls once because they were so dang nastay.” The bagel bite does not have to mix fake meats to create a delectable flavor because it does not need to be superfluous to attract customers.

Not only is the flavor of the bagel bite more enticing than that of a pizza roll, the texture and overall presentation of the bagel bite also secures its spot as the premium snack food. Its small round shape makes it easy to eat and captures all the flavor of an actual pizza into just one or two bites. The pizza roll looks like a mustard-colored sack filled with putrid meat. As if that wasn’t disgusting enough, pizza rolls become stale five minutes after taking them out of the oven. Bagel bites stay crispy and warm for up to 30 minutes after baking so it is acceptable to let them cool for a while.

To dispute the reign of the bagel bite over the frozen food market is completely ridiculous. This Americanized Italian snack is an exquisite example of the benefits that come from cultural diffusion. It is the overwhelming popular opinion of Western students that bagel bites are the finer choice. Avid bagel bite fans have even called pizza rolls satanic and gag at the mere thought of eating one. William Halliday, a junior at Western describes the bagel bite as “the perfect combination of a bagel and a pizza.” Simply put, bagel bites taste really good.